Mr Black and the Demoness
by Meteoricshipyards
Summary: Who is Mr. Black? Is he an ancient Dark Lord looking for redemtion? Or just a guy on vacation who's about to be fed to a demoness?


**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by JKR. Mr. Black comes from the imagination of Rorscharch's Blot's excellent story Make A Wish. Read it. Oh, and She came from Brooklyn.

**Mr. Black and the Demoness**

In a private chateau in the Swiss Alps a bell started ringing. The bell came from an alarm clock like object that was sitting on an end table next to a bed where a blanket covered two people. An arm appeared from under the blanket and started feeling around the end table. It found what it was looking for -- a small carbon-graphite stick. It pointed the stick at the other arm which had reached out from under the blankets, and suddenly a large mallet formed in the other hand. With uncanny precision, the mallet hit the alarm clock looking thing and flattened it. The mallet disappeared and two heads emerged from under the blanket.

"Vat eez it, Darlink?" asked a beautiful blond woman whose shoulders gave the impression that she wasn't wearing anything, which, coincidently, she wasn't.

"Nothing for you to worry about Katrina. Go back to bed, I'll be back with breakfast before you know it."

"Don't take too long, Meester Black."

"I won't. These things are usually cleared up pretty quickly." Mr. Black, wearing silk pajamas with snorkacks on them, got up and slipped into the bathroom to get changed. He returned to the bedroom, and cast a _Reparo_ on the Dork-Lord Detector that the Professor had made for him. The alarm-clock like object's hands showed longitude and latitude rather than time.

Katrina looked like she was sleeping again. Harry sighed. It was always something. He had come to the Alps to learn to ski and come to a mutually beneficial arrangement with the young Russian woman. She would teach him to ski and he would help her break the curse that was upon her. He felt he was getting the better part of the deal. All he had to do was sleep with her and not have sex. Simple, for someone who could resist Veela magic. But the "cure" was spoiled by the alarm, so they'll have to try again that night.

He opened the door to the living room and looked at his other guests. How the _heck_ had they found him? A whole flock of Veela were sleeping out there. The remains of last night's Monopoly game were still on the table. What was it with Veela and Monopoly?

He Apparated to the coordinates on the Dork Lord Detector, and found himself in a trailer park in upstate New York. He looked around, and quickly located the source of the magical emanations. He knocked on the door.

It was opened by a man in shabby robes, aiming a wand at him.

"What do you want? I'm very busy!"

"I noticed the magic here, and just wanted to make sure everything was OK."

"A wizard, eh? Come in. You're just in time. You can assist me. Yes, this will work out fine."

Harry entered the mobile home, and sat on the kitchen chair he was directed to. The wizard never lowered his wand. The table had been removed from the kitchen, and a pentagram was drawn on the linoleum floor. Harry couldn't help but notice it was rather sloppily done. As Harry sat down, chains appeared from the chair and wrapped around him. He sighed. This could get ugly.

The wizard turned back to the pentagram, read horrible sounding words from a book, lit a black candle, ran a bell, and finished with, "I summon you, She-Who-Must-Obey!"

The street lights in the trailer park went out, and the candle flickered, and there was something in the pentagram. It was six and a half feet high, with horns that extended another half foot above that. Two huge leathery, bat like wings were on it's back. The rest of it looked like a large, beautifully proportioned woman. It wore a tiny, light blue bikini that might not be legal at many beaches, it was so small.

"Success! You will help me take over the world! Start with that one!" the mad wizard cried, pointing at Harry.

The demoness looked at the figure and smiled. While, except for the horns, wings, and color -- obsidian black, a black that no flesh and blood creature could actually be -- she looked mostly human, her smile disabused anyone of that notion. Her teeth were long, pointed and sharp. The Dark Lord shuddered a little as he saw them. 'This is going to be messy,' he thought.

The demoness spoke with a heavy Brooklyn accent. "Hello, Mr. Black. How ya doin'?"

"Same as aways, it seems. I just can't seem to get a vacation in. New outfit?"

"Ya noticed! Yeah, I quit Hellie's. Da bums just don't tip there. I like waitressing, and all, but I could barely afford the rent. I got a job with Ma Bell now. I'm a switchboard operator. I get to disconnect people who are rude! Just yesterday, I cut off a long distance call from Dis."

Harry and the demoness laughed.

"I'm glad things are working out for you, She."

"Afder you helped me out that time, ain't no one messing wid me anymore. I just can't thank you enough."

"My pleasure, She."

The wizard had enough. "Don't talk him to death, kill him!"

The demoness looked at the little man and put her hands on her hips. "I don't think so, mister! Dis here is a friend o' mine!"

"But you are She-Who-Must-Obey!"

"Big deal! Strange names come into fashion for a few centuries, and my parents saddle me with this one. I hear the same thing happens wid you 'umans. You end up with names like 'Moonbeam' and 'John' until common sense takes over again. Doesn't help the kids, though. They get stuck wid the silly names for da rest of dere lives."

"AARRRGGG!" The wizard tried to point his wand at Harry but when his hand was outstretched he noticed that there was no wand in it. Harry, still sitting in the chair, but without chains on him, was holding it.

"You want me to take care of this bum, Mr. Black?" She asked.

"Thanks, She. That would be great."

"Come on mister. I think you'd make a nice snack for Cuddles. Don't be a stranger, Mr. Black!" She grabbed the wizard, and was gone before the little man could scream.

Harry shuddered a little. He had met Cuddles. Demon pets were . . . . Anyway, he would have just killed him. He left a note for the American Aurors, magically sent out a call to them, and Apparated away.

Today he was going to try snowboarding, right after he got Katrina and the rest of his guests breakfast.


End file.
